Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
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Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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