I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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