I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.