so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
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You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
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My legs feel like baby dolphins
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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