Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.