i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
