hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I believe in your delicious
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
