How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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