just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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