happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
