I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
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