she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
