last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
