what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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