she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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