his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
