A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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