i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
