i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
