she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
