Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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