At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
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