I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
