bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
