I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
