Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
even my farts smell like vagina
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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