ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
