God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
