I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
