dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
