Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
