Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
