maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
