The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
