I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Randomize
