I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
We're too hungover to prance.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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