Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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