Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
