I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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