Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
