I feel like I'm in dance class right now
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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