Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
