Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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