Old men and throwing up are my life now.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
