After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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