on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
