i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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