just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Randomize
