you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
