its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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