So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
