his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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