I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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