We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
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He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
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Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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