and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
