I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
