you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize