I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
