I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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