piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
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Beer Popsicles are better in theory
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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