My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
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You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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