I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I'm really busy with my period
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