So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
