Kiss
Puke
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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