Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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